Purging

I’m working on my next book on managing stress and working on a chapter on change. When we face big changes, we experience such discomfort and anxiety that we don’t open ourselves up to the possibilities that lie beyond the change. I have been a widow now for almost four years. Some days it feels as real and raw as being a 4-day-old widow. Other days its as if I’ve never been anything but a widow. And everyday I still struggle with the change. Every decision is exhausting because I feel like I need to weigh and analyze the potential outcomes over and over to be 200% certain I am doing the right thing. And yet, I have also realized I need to just take a leap of faith sometimes and go with my heart and gut. But it’s hard to do that sometimes because it often feels I’m leaving a piece of myself and my husband behind by moving forward.

This last part of the summer I have been weighing some big decisions and trying to purge the junk from my house and mind. I am trying to separate memories that are attached to material objects. I have a pair of red pants that I have zero chance of fitting into ever again. But my husband loved them and I just can’t bear to part with them. I haven’t even put them in a box or drawer.. They are still hanging with all of my other pants that are two sizes bigger. Every purge is a change and every change is a struggle. But I am trying to look beyond the change at the possibilities that are ahead.

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